Coming down with something more
by jenna24de
Summary: RPF: Jude gets sick and feels rather lonely...Robert cares but just when things get worse
1. Chapter 1

Fic: Coming down with something more  
Title: Coming down with something more (1/?)  
by jenna24de  
Pairing(s): RDJude  
Genre/Rating: RPS/H/C maybe NC-17  
Word Count: 622  
Summary: Jude is alone and sick and misses Rob so much and things getting worse  
Warnings/Spoilers: H/C, sickJude, comfortingRoblater(maybe)  
Notes: First fic in this fandom, first in englisch EVER  
Many thanks to my lovly BETA..zoo-baby Thanks a lot

Jude was feeling down.

For four days in a row, he had worked from 7:00 am ´til 11:00 pm and it was showing. The light cough he had since last week seemed to get even worse. The feeling of loneliness wasn´t helping either.

"I´m getting old" was swirling permanently through his mind.

With the stupid scratch in his throat and the tiredness he could live, but missing his former co-worker was harder to take.

Making a movie like Repo Men was a lot harder then he had thought, but it was a chance, and a change from his otherwise action-less characters, so he thought.

Forrest was a nice guy and easygoing. The both of them had a lot of fun with all the cool gadgets and stuff, but it wasn´t the same. And the schedule was demanding as hell.

It wouldn´t be that bad if Robert had called him even once in a while. Or texted him or SOMETHING.

But he didn´t.

Why should the man even bother? He had a beautiful, intelligent, and kind wife and Jude was just a fling. Sure, they had a nice time together on set and off. But nothing more.

Lying on the couch of his admittedly nice hotel room, Jude was feeling a bit depressed.  
He was not used to feelings like that. Normally, he was the one who broke the hearts of every woman he met and slept with and married and so on...and wasn´t THAT ironic? He deserved to feel like that. He WAS a schmuck, a bad guy.

Jude shivered slightly.

Robert was obviously sent out to take revenge for all the times Jude had done the same thing to innocent women. Kind of.

He laughed bitterly...and a wet cough rattled his overworked body.

He felt so utterly alone in that moment that he really thought about calling his mom. But it was 1:00 in the morning, and waking his parents just because of a cold and a little heartache was beyond ridiculous.

Jude let out a sigh, and coughed again pretty painfully. Going to bed was such a nice idea but his bedroom was so far away. He sank further into the cushion of the cool leather sofa and sighed once again.

The fabric was so nice and heavenly cool...and he was so alone.

He closed his eyes and thought about Robert and his beautiful smile and soulful voice and deep brown eyes...and fell asleep without a blanket, the open balcony door and the freezing cold be damned.

***

Shadows were crawling along his bedroom ceiling and forming odd little pictures along the door and the mirrors from the closet.

He should be asleep and curled up against the love of his life after they had such fantastic and satisfying hours of love making...but sleep didn´t find him that night.

His thoughts were wandering to other times not so long ago.

There was a body, a male body, and he loved its touch and taste. It had a slim and masculine frame and eyes like the Caribbean summer sea.

Robert missed his Judesie. But back then, things got too complicated and he chickened out, so to speak.

He loved his wife so much but to tell the truth, he was falling head over heels in love with his co-star and he was not ready to risk his marriage.

Maybe Susan would understand. Maybe not.

But why was he thinking so much about him that night? As if something was wrong, out of line.

Maybe, just maybe, he should call him. Tell him that he was sorry for everything.

Tell him that he loves him too.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don´t own anything and I don´t believe that the things in the story will ever happen..for Jude´s sake, but it´s called fiction because it is NOT real, right. Just let a girl dream.**

**A/N: Thank you all for the kind reviews. You all rock so much. I wasn´t prepared for that. THANK YOU!**

**Many thanks to my BETAs **_**zoo_baby**_** and **_**Curreeus**_

**Now lets see what our boys are doing.**

**Coming down with something more (2/?)**

Jude woke up to the sound of harsh breathing. What the hell?

"Shut it" mumbled his hoarse voice.

Man, he hadn't smoked a damn cigarette in almost four months and still his voice sounded like that of a whiskey loving, Emo-song-sobbing boozer.

And why was he freezing like a man who got beamed straight from the sauna to the North Pole? Naked, of course.

He had to open his eyes enough to solve the riddles, and then do something about the cold.

Really, he was freezing and his chest hurt a pretty damn lot.

Blinking his eyes open didn´t help that much, since it was so very dark. And where was he, anyway?

Roaming his hands over the smooth surface of his actual bed, Jude suddenly had a slight idea where he was. Leather sofa, his hotel room. Okay. His hotel room in Toronto, Canada.

Adjusting his eyes, Jude made out a gleam of light, reflecting off of the little snow crystals on the balcony tiles. And then he noticed the open door to said balcony.

Well, that explained his freezing body.

The room came more into focus each second. Jude groaned. The door seemed very far away, but closing it was essential, so the British man thought. That, and wrapping himself in that cozy looking woolen blanket, which was lying innocently on the armchair that was the furthest away. That figures!

Jude propped himself on his elbows and was in the process of putting his ice cold feet on the overly-expensive rug when a painful cough rattled his whole frame.

After a minute or two his breathing settled into something more normal, but Jude could see tidal air leaving his mouth and that was worrisome, at least if one considered where he was sitting.

First the blanket, then the door and finally his warm bed. That was a good plan.

Bracing himself up on his hands, Jude made it into a standing position. He had to close his eyes for a minute to fend away the stupid dizzy spell. He could feel himself sway a bit, but Jude blamed tiredness and the rooms' unusually low temperature for that.

Four steps later and he had wrapped the woolen dream around his shoulders, then made his way over to the balcony.

The clock on the DVD player informed him that it was already 4 in the morning. Nice.

Thank God they all had a day off. The first and maybe the last, he thought bitterly.

With the door closed, Jude let out a hearty sigh and paid for it with another coughing fit.

He was damn cold. Maybe he should took some pills first thing in the morning.

Shuffling, he made his way through the living area and into the bed room.

His empty and cold bedroom.

For the first time since he awoke in that freezer like room his thoughts strayed to Robert and Jude felt lonely all over again.

Suddenly he felt very weak.

As he finally bedded his body on the soft sheets, warm blankets surrounding him, Jude considered to call the man.

His whole body ached to hear THAT voice.

If they couldn´t be anything more then friends, then so be it. Anything was better than that what they had right now.

Which was nothing. Not even friendship.

Still shivering and slightly trembling, Jude closed his eyes once again.

Hoping to dream about those twinkling dark eyes and that infectious laugh.

Robert awoke with a start.

He had dreamed. About Jude. But it wasn´t as pleasant as usual.

Normally he would see the both of them in all kinds of kinky and not-so-kinky sexual situations.

Sometimes they walked just along a long, long road and talked and laughed together.

But this time it was different and it frightened the man.

Turning his head he watched his Susan sleep, her breathing even and quiet. It calmed him a great deal.

But the shadow of the bad dream wouldn´t leave him completely.

Looking out of his bedroom window, he could see that the sky was still dark with a slight glint of silver on the horizon. The clock confirmed his suspicion of the time. It was only 4.30 in the morning.

Robert was again staring at his ceiling, with his hand behind his head. He was still tired, but he had to figure out that weird dream he just had.

Jude had been in it, of course. But he hadn't been happy or horny or both.

He had looked so sad and tired.

Robert closed his eyes and tried to recall the pictures of the night.

It wasn´t the first time he had dreamed about a sad Jude Law. Shortly after the two of them had shook hands and said goodbye, Robert had dreamed two weeks straight about those miserable eyes.

That was also a reason to not call the other man again. Robert wanted to make a point.

His wife was priority number one. Nobody came between the two of them. NOBODY.

But at the time Jude hadn´t even tried. He stood stock still and said nothing at all. At first.

Then a short ´I understand.` They shook hands, said goodbye and life was supposed to go on as normal.

But it did not.

He dreamed almost every night about the younger man. First about those sad eyes and then about

all the things they might have done (?) together in bed and everywhere else.

Every morning he felt a bit more guilty. Towards his wife AND Jude.

What was he thinking? He loved them both, and the dream of last night had shown him this fact pretty clearly.

But what was it that made him so jittery about it? What was it?

Jude was trying to tell him something... but what? Of course it was just a dream, but it was nonetheless disturbing. Than something clicked in Roberts brain, and the bad feeling in his gut made a lot more sense.

Oh. Never before had the younger man bid him goodbye. NEVER.

Sitting up, feet swinging over the edge of the bed and settling on his soft bedside rug, Robert made a decision.

Silently, not wanting to wake Susan, he made his way down into his kitchen.

He could not do this until later because of the early hour, but he would think about what to say when he finally called the man he loved so much.

TBC...

PN: The next chapter is almost done. .-)))))


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don´t own anything and I don´t believe that the things told in my story will ever happen..for Jude´s sake, but it´s called fiction because it is NOT real, right. Just let a girl dream.**

**A/N: Thank you all for the kind reviews. You all rock so much. THANK YOU!**

**Many thanks to my BETA _curreeus. _I_ couldn´t _do this without you:-D**

**Now, lets see what our boys are doing.**

**o-o**

**Coming down with something more (3/?)**

Jude was feeling like shit. Real shit. Not the daily, 'oh, life sucks on occasions' shit. No, it was the big stuff he was dealing with right now. Yeah, he was a grown up, but whatever.

His body ached in places he didn't even know existed.

Places like the little bones in his elbows or in his ears for that matter.

And somehow he had overslept the Canadian winter and spring, because it was HOT.

He was feeling hot...and cold at the same time. Weird.

Jude opened his mouth to verbalize his confusion and frustration to himself, but ended up with a hurtful, dry cough.

_´Sounded kind of different last night`_, he thought absently.

To make that picture perfect, his head hurt more than a little bit and he was quite sure that the toilet was in for a not-so-nice encounter in the near future.

All things considered, Jude was ready to die, the sooner the better.

_´Maybe Robert would come to my funeral. Saying some very moving and rousing words about _

_me`. _

_He would wear something in black and white, acting as if he was sorry and devastated._

Jude had to snicker about that, but coughed again.

Sighing, he decided staying in bed would probably be the best thing but, thirsty as he was, that option was out of question.

"Just man up, damn it," came his croaky voice, issuing painfully from his mouth.

That in mind, the man made an attempt to get out off his bed as gracefully as he could - but it wasn´t any use at all.

After several minutes fighting with the blankets, eventually winning the difficult struggle and ending up lying sprawled boneless on the bed room carpet, Jude made it to the floor on his hands and knees.

Head hanging low between his shoulders, he tried to regain control of his breath again.

God, if Downey could see him right now, the man would laugh his ass off and call him a wimp.

_´No he would not. He would be most concerned for your health right now. Based on how you feel, 'gorgeous' probably isn't a definition to use for your looks at the moment.`_

Damn, he hated that little voice in his head, especially if it made said part of his body hurt even more. Now he couldn't even trust his own thoughts anymore. What was he thinking?

If the man really cared, why hadn´t he called him back, just once?

Finally, Jude took a tentative breath and made it slowly to his unsteady feet.

Wow...the room began spinning pretty nicely. Actually, more in a sickly manner, to be correct.

Just like his stomach.

Uh oh. Toilet. NOW.

Whilst stumbling almost blindly to the bathroom, his foot connected painfully with the door frame of his bed room. Jude stifled a cry, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth, because the outcome would be a whole other disaster he was unwilling to deal with right now. Make it unable to deal with.

But he made it in time before his stomach turned into the living hell of acid, and yellow green bile burned its way up his esophagus and into his mouth.

God, he hated vomiting so much. Especially when he hadn't eaten anything to come up in the first place.

Hands bracing his body on the toilet rim, cramp after cramp shook his lean frame.

The spasms lessened after a while but he felt so hot and cold at the same time, tears of pain and exhaustion trickling down his face.

Finally, finally it was over. Sweat was soaking his shirt, salty pearls running down his spine, his neck, and his face.

His body was shaking like a leaf in a stormy dark night.

Boneless, Jude sank down to the bathroom floor. Pressing his face into the cool, oh-so-cool tiles, a combination of a sigh and groan escaped him.

He couldn't for the life of him remember a time when he ever had felt that sick before.

A faint, ringing sound reached his ears but he couldn't care less in that moment, as darkness finally claimed his consciousness.

**o-o**

Robert decided that he had waited long enough.

It was 6.30 in the morning and he already drank four cups of malt coffee.

He loved that stuff. Smelled and tasted almost like the real thing. Yeah, really.

What? He was an awarded actor after all, he could pretend.

And Susan had told him, the dishwater, sorry, the malt coffee was better for his health.

_´Sure enough that there are other things which could destroy a man`_, Robert thought.

He let out a heartfelt sigh. Damn, as if this was not his own fault but maybe, just maybe, he would get a second chance. It wouldn't be the first time.

At that time, eight years back, it was Susan who gave him a second chance at life, literally. He loved her more than anything, was thankful for all she did in the past to keep his head over the heavy sea he called 'the life after the addiction'. There was not such thing as "after" but he was clean of all chemical drugs.

At least some progress. Addicted he was nonetheless. To a man. His Judsie.

And now he was sitting in his kitchen, starring at his cell.

Jude was in Toronto, Canada, filming his new flick Repo-Men.

Yes, Robert did a bit of research while waiting for the right time to call. The internet was full of all kinds of information about the gorgeous Brit.

Then an remorseful notion entered his mind.

_´I´m an ass.` _He thought. _´I_ _still call him my friend, we were lovers and I dream about him most nights, but I need to roam the internet to learn about his whereabouts. Pathetic.`_

But changing the past was not in his power, and what's done is done.

In Toronto it was 2h later then here in L.A.

Damn, Robert could have called his friend hours ago.

Whatever!

He pressed the hot-key on his Blackberry, and seconds later the phone was ringing. And ringing and ringing.

Mhh...maybe Jude was on set? Then his phone was probably in the trailer during the filming process.

Robert could wait ´til the other man was done and back to check his cell, but that could take ages.

After months of ignorance, Robert now was desperate to reach the man, to talk to him and ask him if he was okay or whether they could be friends again and maybe more, if Jude still wanted to.

So he went for his laptop to look up the director or someone from the staff.

Ten minutes later he had the name of the director. Miguel Sapochnik. A name he vaguely

remembered but couldn't place.

His agent could for sure. So he called him first.

He made it pretty clear how important the issue was. Knowing Robert, his agent didn't ask any further questions and just did what he was asked to do.

About half an hour later he got the number from the directors office and from his cell phone.

_´First the cell`_, Robert thought.

After the fifth or sixth ringing a male voice answered. Bingo.

"Sapochnik speaking."

Clearing his throat Robert answered.

"Uh, hello. It´s Robert Downey jr. Maybe you know who I am? Sorry for bothering you but I have to ask you something." He heard a little gasping noise on the other end. So the man DID know him. Good.

"Of course, Mr. Downey. How can I help you?" The guy sounded just a bit nervous.

"Are you on set? Sorry, I know you must be very busy at the moment, but I have to speak to Mr. Jude Law. It´s very important. So if you don´t mind...?"

Suddenly it was him who was nervous.

He felt a tingling sensation in the pit of his stomach and his hands were sweaty. Jude was probably just a few feet away, listening.

"Uh...Mr. Downey, I´m sorry. But the whole crew got a day off. Jude is certainly in his hotel suite.

We had a lot of work to do the last couple of weeks and the schedule was more then demanding.

Did you try his phone?" The director asked nonchalantly.

His first reaction was to snap at the other man and tell him that 'of course he had tried to call Jude on his phone first'. What was this little ass thinking? That he was stupid? And why had he called him 'Jude' and not 'Mr. Law'?

Taking a deep breath, Robert answered.

"Thanks Mr. Sap...ochnik? Yes, I was ringing his cell but he wouldn't answer it. Was he well the last time you saw him?" He had to ask, the weird dream again weighing on his mind.

There was a short break on the other line, a whispered _´Yes, right back`_ and then he was there for Robert once again.

"Well, Mr. Downey, we are all exhausted, as I just mentioned. Jude seemed a bit under the weather so to speak. A little cold maybe. The day off will help him and the rest of us recuperate.

Uhh...not to sound impolite Mr. Downey, but my wife asked for my attention and...yeah, well.."

"No, no. It´s okay. Just enjoy your day Mr. Sapochnik.."

"Miguel"

"Yes, and my best regards to your wife. Goodbye." No wonder he called him Jude. The guy was a bit too bolt for Roberts liking.

"Bye, Mr. Downey."And the line went dead.

Robert frowned. A bit under the weather? A cold and working his ass off?

Maybe he should try to reach Jude later on, but the niggling worry told him otherwise.

He was just done booking a flight to Toronto as his wife appeared in the kitchen door, wearing the silk, pale lilac dressing gown he presented to her on their last anniversary.

"Hey honey," she purred, still sleepy. "Something wrong?"

And again he felt the guilt settling down in the pit of his stomach. But he was done with lying.

" I dont´t know yet dear, but I need to fly up to Toronto. I think something is wrong with Jude."

Spoken out loud, he knew he was right.

TBC...

**What do you think. How sick should I make poor Jude? Should they met just in the next chapter? Mhhhh...we will see, right.**

**Reviews are LOVE ;-DDDDD**

**~Jen~**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don´t own anything and I don´t believe that the things told in my story will ever happen..for Jude´s sake, but it´s called fiction because it is NOT real, right. Just let a girl dream.**

**A/N: Thank you all for the kind reviews. You all rock so much. THANK YOU!**

**Many thanks to my BETA _curreeus. I couldn´t do this without you _:-D**

**Now lets see what our boys are doing.**

**o-o**

**Coming down with something more (4/?)**

Jude is dozing on and off for a while on the cold bathroom tiles. It´s not very comfortable but he feels to weak to just stand up and go to his overly warm bed.

The feeling of throwing up every time he moves abates just so slowly and he is still dizzy even if he just so much as blinks.

Stupid cold.

Yeah, get a brain Law.

That feels not like a cold anymore.

But still, here he is, lying on the floor of the bathroom floor of an hotel he currently can´t remember the name of.

Fantastic.

He needs to get up. Because, as fascinating those tiles and the toilet bowl is, if the chambermaid finds him like that, the chambermaid who comes every day except, wait...day off means no one will come to clean his rooms.

Fantastic,...again.

He has to concentrate on the job at hand, standing up like a normal person would, clean himself up a bit and getting that foul taste out of his mouth. That´s the plan.

And suddenly a spell of utterly loneliness overcomes him as he tries to get into a sitting position, being successful in the end.

Leaning on the cold ceramic tub, he thinks about the the days he spend on the stet of "Sherlock Holmes", about the happy self made family.

And Robert.

Back then, he could have counted on the man.

_´Get a grip_`, he thought. _´Those days are long gone`_.

A bitter laugh escapes his dry lips and the cough that consequently follows leaves him more exhausted then before and THAT is the real irony.

This is too much, way too fast.

Consequences. He hates that word but still, it´s all he seems to deal with lately.

Or maybe his whole life.

He feels like a useless kid who can´t seem to take care of himself anymore. And still, he has his own family. He has kids, who love and adore him, so he believes.

What the hell is he whining about anyway?

A lost love and a not so little cold? He feels pathetic. And a bit depressed.

Maybe he should call Sadie. She was always good with sickness and such and she still cared enough to...God, NO.

She had enough on her own mind. Really.

He wouldn´t bother her anymore.

Slowly he made it up to his feet, steadying himself on the rim of the sink.

And for the first time he got a good look at himself in the bathroom mirror.

Shit. He looked like hell.

Face pale but cheeks highlighted with a fevered flush, he was the perfect picture of SICK, thank you very much.

Dull, glazed eyes looked at him and unfortunately they were his own.

His skin itched and hot shudders run up and down the length of his body.

Staring at the faucet before him, Jude´s brain came to the only logical conclusion.

Turning on the cold water and getting the plug in, Jude waited ´til the sink was full of the cool liquid.

Holding his breath and feeling the pressure building up in his chest, he dived in.

It lasted maybe two seconds before he had to come up and coughing his lungs out.

Damn, that hurts. He clasped his hand over his burning chest, trying not to pass out from the lack of oxygen and the need to breath evenly. Not an easy task.

It sounded so simple. In and out, in and out.

_´Calm down man.`_, he berated himself.

Little black dots blurred his vision. Not good.

_´Calm your breathing, RIGHT now`_. 1, 2, 3 breathe...1, 2, 3 breathe. Okay, okay, he could do this.

1, 2, 3 breathe...

Holding the head between his outstretched arms, Jude finally got much needed oxygen back into his lungs.

That was bad.

Meeting his features in the mirror he saw his blue green eyes leaking wetness and again his mind was trying to get around the incident that just occurred.

He was shaking and he was afraid. Point.

What the hell was wrong with him?

Yesterday about that time, he felt just a scratch in his throat and had a bad headache.

Nothing a good nights sleep couldn´t cure and now?

He needed help. Medical help.

So he took on the long journey back to his bed room, where he thought his mobile was lying, on his nightstand.

But he was still so very thirsty.

On wobbly legs he made it almost unscathed to the kitchen area.

Fortunately he was a man with all the faults which came with the label. Enough unwashed glasses were standing all around the counter. He just had to decide.

So, Jude took the first pot that came to hand and filled it with cool water.

He was slightly aware of the risks drinking the cool liquid that fast but he couldn´t care less right now.

Shaking hands lost their grip on the slick, cool glass as a loud blatant noise broke through the stillness of the room.

Little crystal shards scattered around the kitchen floor and the feverish man stood right between them, to shocked and scared to move his quivering limbs.

"What the..", Jude rasped .

He knew that sound...his mobile.

Without thinking, he run over broken glass and spilled water to reach the safety of solidarity.

Out of breath, coughing and with bleeding feeds he reached the damn thing in time.

Falling down on his bed, he was pressing the button saying "Hey" and listening.

"Hey yourself", a very well known voice answered.

And his world scattered around him.

"Rob?", Jude whispered. Well fudge, now he was delirious.

"Are you alright?", asked the voice. Roberts voice.

That was a joke, right? Or was he already dead and in heaven.

"Jude? Jude ! I´m on my way to you, man. We need to speak. Just tell me you are alright."

The man sounded a bit concerned.

He didn´t know what came over him, maybe exhaustion or the illness, he could not place it right now but he answered as honest he could.

"I´m tired and my feet are bleeding. I broke a glass...*harshbreath*

My eyes hurt and my bones and my head.

But don´t ...do not worry. It´s just a cold Rob!", Jude muttered. "Don´t worry. I´m fine, jus..fine. Don.. wor..ry. Talk to.. me? Please? I...", and he fell asleep.

**o-o**

Talking to Susan was so much easier as he ever imaged. She obviously did know for a while now.

She surly was one to keep.

Helping him pack his bags, she assured him that everything was going to be alright. Jude would be just fine. She even kissed him rather fiercely, telling him this one was for his friend and he

shouldn´t dare to deliver it the wrong way.

Robert was taken aback.

"I know you love him darling," she whispered, as the two of them said good bye. "And I´m okay with that, really. You need each other. "

Teary-eyed he kissed her and said " I love you, babe. You´re really okay?"

She just smiled and sent him on is way with a little slap on his ass.

**o-o**

Now, two hours later, Robert was more then a bit worried. The line just went dead and Jude sounded so out of it.

Bleeding feet? What the...?

It was time to put things straight and be there for his friend and former lover.

It was high time to make the man a permanent part of his life again.

**TBC...**

**So..unBETAed again...How bad is it? Just tell me...I can live with the critical reviews. Sorry for the delay. Love you all.**

**Jen**


	5. Chapter 5

Jude was floating in and out of consciousness. A row of hazy pictures swirled around his feverish mind and an odd, high-pitched melody completed the eerie feeling.

He didn´t know how much time had passed since the last time he lost the fight against sleep but the dreams were nice enough at first to not care so much. Except for that stupid background noise, which reminded him of old Hitchcock movies.

But like it always is with nice dreams, in particular the feverish ones, they don´t stay that way. Never.

_*It was night. He saw delicate, white crystals, swirling around each other in an innocent, soundless mating dance._

Everything seemed so peaceful. Then, colorful little lights gleamed through the silent darkness.

Slowly, he moved towards the friendly and inviting blinking.

Shady silhouettes became visible and he quickened his pace. Something good was waiting behind the dimly illuminated walls that came into sight.

There was a door...and a softly lit window just for him to peer into.

A feeling of indescribable joy made his body shudder...or was it something else?...as soon as he set eyes on the familiar figure.*

A blissful smile flashed over Jude´s flushed face and the well-known name formed on his lips.

He was finally home.

But the mind is a devious thing.

Just now bliss on earth and in the next moment you´re falling into the deepest and darkest abyss.

_*In his dream, Robert turned slowly around, seductive smile on his lips. How he missed that smile._

He could feel himself smiling back as the bubble shattered into billion little, hurtful shards as Susan appeared, smiling at him too.

Her mouth formed words he could all too easily read.

"He is mine, mine, mineminemine." Robert's face was suddenly just millimeters away, just separated by the thin windowpane but it could easily be the thickest armoured glass or a big, wide ocean between them.

The beloved face changed into a sneer and his words echoed in his mind.

"What are you doing here? Get out of my life. Get out, get out, getoutgetoutgetout."*

Jude awoke with a harsh gasp. Panting heavily, he sat up. Clutching his aching head with his hands, he struggled unsuccessfully with reality. For a moment he couldn´t breathe and his sick body was just part of the problem. Panic set in, along with an overwhelming sensation of claustrophobia.

He had to get out, getout outoutout.

Weakly but determined, the younger man scrambled out of his ruffled and sweat soaked bed.

Blindly he snatched his sweater, laying rumpled on the fawn carpet. He tried to wriggle his way into the damn cotton thing but the sleeves were twisted and he just needed to get ...OUT.

No...IN. Jesus.

"When I´m out I call my mom, I call my mom...nonono, not my mom," he mumbled into the seam of his shirt as it finally gave in and his head popped out of the right hole.

It wasn´t an easy task to complete and it left him more then ever out of breath and dizzy but in the end he succeeded, every limb in the right, designated place.

The world was turning around him and Jude had to blink more then once to find his focus again.

His feet hurt and he couldn´t remember to save his life why.

Jude made his way out of the bedroom into the hall, slipped into one of his sneakers, snapped his cell phone, which was slumbering mysteriously on the hall stand, and minutes later he was out.

Without a coat or a hat or anything appropriated for the cold February weather in Canada, he left.

Out out out.

The bloody trail he left behind in his hasty escape was a tell-tale for everyone who came into the room, leaving much to the imagination for innocent intruders.

o~o

Arriving in Toronto seemed like a blessing. It was cold, much colder then in L.A. The city was in the fist of an all too famous Canadian winter.

Robert had just left the warmth of the airport hall, breathing in the little white crystals that swirled through the clear, biting winter air.

His breath formed little clouds, settling on his cashmere scarf and leaving it damp.

Robert´s freezing hands fumbled around in his coat pockets, determined to find the little note which contained the address of the hotel Jude was living in.

Ahh...there it was. One King West. 1 King Street west. Okay, he needed a cab.

"CAB!"

o~o

Thirty minutes later, Robert was standing in front of an very impressive, historical re-built entrance.

He felt kind of breathless, excited even.

Jude was in there. Somewhere between this massive walls, the heart he so much desired was beating in an rhythmical beat equal to his own. Closing his eyes, he stood still for a moment.

Then someone jostled him and the moment was over.

o-o

With his natural charm and his well known face, Robert got the floor and the room number of Jude´s residence easily enough.

Floor 8. Of course.

Stepping inside the lift, Robert asked himself silently what he should say to the man he shoved away so easily months ago.

_"I am so sorry, but I loved you all the time?"_ Too cheesy.

_"Sorry, I was an ass but I love you and Susan loves you too?_" Too much too soon.

He took a deep breath, calming himself to a reasonable level. Just minutes and he would meet him.

But Jude sounded sick on the phone. He was here because of that. He was his friend and he would act just like that, as a friend.

*Bling!*

Getting out of the elevator, Robert surveyed the corridor.

He hated hotel floors with a passion. In his old days, before Susan, it was always a game to find the correct one.

But he was clean now and his friend needed help.

The concierge had told him to go left and the second door would be his goal.

He saw the door, the open door. Just a narrow slit but open. Then he saw the blood on the hallway floor and his heart stopped.

"Jude...JUUUUUDE...?"

**TBC.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you all for the kind reviews. I´m still very amazed about it. **

**Thank you _zoo-baby_, you are a such a sweetheart. **

**Sooooo...shall we begin with Robert? I think, we should.**

"JUUDE...", Robert called a second time and came to the conclusion that screaming like that was rather unproductive.

Maybe it was the wrong door after all and to shout the house down because of that was slightly over the top.

Luggage on hand, he covered the short distance to the still open door in a few long steps.

Glancing down on the blood-smeared floor his heart sunk to the pit of his stomach.

He hated the sight of blood. His mind was to overactive for something like that.

Blood belonged into the body; into veins and blood vessels, not on some dirty hotel floor, even if the thing wasn´t THAT dirty at all.

Robert took a very deep breath and with an kick of his sneakers the door flew back with an loud _**bang**_ against some furnishings that wasn´t his, so what. He would pay for any damage.

He closed his eyes and an sardonic smile crossed his lips.

If only every damage could be so easily repaired like that.

Yeah, as if he had time for some shit like that. He could talk to his shrink about his girlish tendeniesanother time

Right now, he needed to collect himself. He could save the cloying sentimentality for later.

"Jude," Robert called for the third time, now in an moderate hotel floor volume.

Nothing.

Kicking the poor door again, this time with his elbow, his eyes registered the golden number on the

white wood.

It _was_ Jude´s suite and there was blood on the floor. _Jesus_. Foot-shaped.

Okay. Walking in, Robert thought about the phone call. Jude had talked about missing him and...WHAT? He said something was hurting. His feet? He couldn´t remember right now but given the fact that the carpet was colored with dark red marks...Robert wasn´t that stupid.

Dropping his bag, his eyes scanned the visible space which lay ahead of him.

The bloody trail crossed the hallway and disappeared into a room to his right.

Maybe...?

"Jude...it´s me. Robert.", he hollered while finally storming the suite, looking first into the bedroom with his sweat soaked sheets, cold now but still clammy. Empty.

The breathtaking view over Toronto never registered as he made his way into the living room, then into the kitchen area with the broken glass mug and more bloody footprints.

Jude was not here either but his belongings and his blood on the floor.

Wait, the floor in the kitchen was marked with a right and a left footprint.

_´Sherlock Holmes my ass`_, thought Robert. Running back into the bedroom he saw that a pair got in but just one single foot left. So the man hurt both of his feet, got one shoe on and then? Left like that? Robert sat down on the rumbled bed sheets and let his head sink.

Jude was in a hurry but why? It was obvious.

He was sick, of course. The man sounded kind of weird. Robert was here because of that.

Maybe he was delirious, running trough the streets of Toronto with just one shoe.

"I need to find him," Robert whispered. "I just need to."

Standing up, Robert left the room, took unconsciously the key card, which lay unnoticed on the little table just outside the room and followed the red trail out of the hallway into the hotel corridor.

Taking his cell phone out of his coat, he called Susan.

~o~

Peaceful! Silent and, and...stunning. Yeah, that was the right description.

Cold, yes, but not to much. Jude welcomed the crispy cold air.

The view was breathtaking and the little white flakes swirling around him completed the surreal feeling.

He could breath again. He was OUT.

Maybe he could stay here forever? It was so nice...and cold and did he mentioned peaceful.

He was so tired and his head hurt but he was HERE. His place. For the first time.

_´I´m an idiot`_, he thought.

His subconscious told him to move, that it was to cold and wet and that he was already sick but his body was to weak...and the view was SO breathtaking. Still.

Jude thought about his mom and dad, about his children and all the things he considered important and smiled.

And he thought about the one person who ever utterly broke his heart and the smile disappeared.

Suddenly a violent shiver run through his whole frame and he registered that the slight swirl of white flakes changed into the wild bluster of gray hail.

Perfect. The story of his life.

The cold wasn´t so comforting anymore. Now he was freezing and his head still hurt.

Jude tried to get up but his body was not in the mood to react. Cold sweat formed a disgusting shell around his frame and he was sooo tired.

Sinking back into the slowly building mantle of snow he closed is eyes and exhaustion won the game. Before he slipped into total unconsciousness, he was aware of somebody calling his name.

And he smiled again.

TBC...

Sorry...cliffy again. I am evil. But they will met in the next chapter. I swear.

Jen..RL sucks sometimes. Love ya all.


End file.
